Where Are We?
by Kanashimi Wo Koete
Summary: While fighting a demon, four Hanagumi members are sent to experience their worst nightmares. This story is intended to lighten the mood around here!
1. Chapter 1: Off to Hell

"We almost got all of them Maria!"

"Excellent Kanna."

A feeling of satisfaction of completing a job swept over Maria; the Hanagumi could handle anything... demon or human. Suddenly Maria saw Sakura's Koubu turn to the north.

Sakura's voice was heard over the communicator, "Everyone I think I see something coming, and it looks huge."

Patting her gun for reassurance, Maria turned to where Sakura saw the shadow. Before she could get a good look at the thing a voice like nails on a chalkboard spoke to the Hanagumi.

"What's this? The famous female fighting troop going against me? The greatest demon ever to grace this planet? What a silly willy idea…"

Maria couldn't believe the demon. Not only did he believe he could defeat the Hanagumi, but he used the phrase 'silly willy'. It was time to take out the stupid creature.

"Kohran, Reni, and Kanna come with me; we're going to take this beast out."

Charging side by side, the four women started towards the enemy.

"You underestimate me. Did you really think that only four of you could defeat me? I honor your courage and for that, I'll let you live... in your worst nightmare"

"Don't listen to him! Maintain the attack!"

Following Maria's lead, they kept charging. Focused on their target, they noticed chanting coming from the beast. Soon the four Koubus were slowing down, and finally came to a halt.

"Maria, I can't move! What should we do?"

"I don't know Reni."

"ARGH! He's going to regret ever stopping a Kirishima!"

"Hey guys, we're moving, but I don't think that's a good thing."

Just like Kohran said, slowly the four Koubus were being dragged into a vortex.

"I'm sending you four to you own personal hell, hope you enjoy it…AAAAAAH!"

"Way to go Sakura!" Iris cheered.

As the demon was in the middle of his monologue, Sakura snuck up behind and killed him, but sadly it did not stop his vortex of doom. Promptly after knowing Sakura killed the demon, Maria, Kanna, Reni, and Kohran were sucked into who knows where.

"Umm Sakura, do you know where Maria and the others went?"

Silence fell over Iris, Sakura, and Orihime at Sumire's words

Orihime said what was on everyone's minds.

"Oh God this isn't good…"

Whirling through time and space the four travelers were getting very dizzy. And to top off their nausea somewhere along the way they lost their Koubus'.

"Ugh when are we going to stop I'm getting so sick…"

Kanna stopped talking to vomit.

Reni rolled her eyes "Oh that's a fine site to see."

"Kohran, do you know how long we've been in here?"

"I was just finding that out Maria-han," Kohran took out a time keeping device from out of no where. "Ah it seems we have been in here for 20 minutes."

"I can't take much more of this," Kanna said weakly,

"We know," Maria stated

"I'm going to go insane!" Reni clutched her head. "Is this what the demon meant when he said he'd send us to our worst nightmare? Cause if it is then we have pathetic nightmares."

Kohran smiled, "Hey, at least it can't get any worse than this"

Just as she said that, a giant yellow smiley face appeared.

Maria's eyes grew wide as she saw the face.

"Oh God…what's that?"

"We're going to find out in a second since we're going to COLLIDE with IT!" Kanna screamed, bracing herself.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

And with one final scream our four heroines exited the vortex through the smiley face.

All that could be seen was black, but what they did know was that they could definitely feel they were falling… and fast.

Walking on the ground were two innocent pedestrians. As normal as you and me, except these two had a powerful obsession. Sadly, these two were cursed with a love of anything Sakura Taisen. Ah, what a dream world these two lived in, pretending they were characters from the Hanagumi and doing all these nerdy things… they were almost a disgrace to society.

"Oh my what a beautiful day! Don't you agree Arachina?"

"Oh yes, Seraphina, it is gorgeous," Arachina then chuckled to herself. "But you know what would make it better?"

Both girls looked at each other and screamed at the top of their lungs.

"SAKURA WARS!"

Just then a shadow fell over the two squealing girls.

Seraphina looked up.

"What's this?"

"OH MY GOD THE SKY IS FALLING!" Arachina shrieked, then began to run in circles.

"No it's not you _idiot,_ it's people, duh," The magnitude of Seraphina's words hit her full force. "IT'S PEOPLE!"

Scrambling around like chickens with their heads cut off, Seraphina and Arachina quickly pulled a bunch of mattresses over themselves that someone had thrown out. Just as the people were going to hit the mattress, they slowed down to a speed where they would not be harmed.

"Wow it's like magic!" Arachina said as she saw the people slow down

Only once did the people land that Arachina and Seraphina approached them.

"Hey, look Arachina! They have Hanagumi uniforms on… and that one has silver hair! And that one over there has purple hair! And does she have a… no…"

Arachina completed the sentence, "Shehasagun... OH MY GOD, IT'S MARIA TACHIBANA!"

In less than a second, the girls each had two Hanagumi members in a headlock.

"Look Seraphina, I have Maria Tachibana and Kanna Kirishima all to myself!"

"But I have Reni and Kohran!"

The two girls were so deep in their argument that they did not realize the people they had in headlocks were waking up from their spell. It was only when Maria shot into the air that they released the Hanagumi members.

Massaging her neck, Maria looked over at Arachina.

"Where are we?"

Smiling from ear to ear Arachina answered, "You're on earth in the good year of 2005."

Worried looks spread rapidly through the four travelers.

"Why would the demon send us here? It doesn't seem to be our worst nightmare," Kanna remarked.

Reverting her attention back to the girls (who had been staring non-stop at the four), Kohran asked a harmless question.

"Who are you?"

At the same time, Seraphina and Arachina answered in creepy voices, "Why, we're Hanagumi fan girls!"

Each face from the Hanagumi paled. Reni recovered first and stated, "Oh God, it's not a nightmare, it's hell!"


	2. Chapter 2: Introduction to Hell

Author's Note: I, Maria-kun, wrote this chapter. Oooh, yes, you love me.

* * *

"HELL INDEED!" Arachina cried jovially, despite the fact she had just labeled her city as a hell. Reni put her face in her palm and groaned.

"Isn't this insane, Arachina? I'm so sad that I'll wake up in a few moments and it will have all been a dream."

"What, this is a dream?"

"It most certainly is NOT!" Maria bellowed, reaching out to grab Arachina by the arm. The blonde gave the girl a hard pinch, causing her to scream and swat at the hand until it let up.

"Sweet Christ! It's real!" Arachina turned to Seraphina and pinched her cheek, a bit more dramatically than intended, until the girl cried out in pain.

"Okay, THANK YOU."

The two stood and stared at the Hanagumi for a moment, letting the realization sink in. Once it did, Arachina collapsed to the ground crying and Seraphina body-slammed Reni. Kohran had wandered away from the group and was inspecting an automobile, and Kanna was running towards a hot dog stand. Maria turned and yelled for them to come back, but was cut off by the feeling of arms around her waist. She looked down into the face of a teary eyed Arachina, who said:

"OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU LIKE THE FAT KID LOVES CHOCOLATE CAAAKE!"

Maria could do nothing but stare, and perhaps try to pry the girl off. Reni, on the other hand, was listening to Seraphina's mad rambling about how big of a fan she was. The Russian frowned and stalked off after Kanna, dragging Arachina behind her.

"Oh, man! This is great stuff! What is this made of?" Kanna was chatting with the hotdog salesman, a very large corndog in her hand.

The pathetic looking man sighed, leaning on his hand. Foreigners. "You don't wanna know," he replied, yawning. "That'll be a buck eighty, by the way."

Kanna frowned, "What's a buck?"

This earned her a really hard stare, and Arachina slapped the money down on the surface of the stand. "There you go!"

Maria twitched and tugged at Kanna's arm, "Come along, we need to gather Kohran and Reni and get the hell out of here!"

"Actually, Maria-han," Kohran's voice came from behind Kanna, an object in her hands, "I don't think we CAN get back right now. I can't even get my machines to work!"

"Did they ever?" Kanna asked, chuckling as she clapped Kohran's shoulder.

"Haha, very funny!"

"Is it just me," Reni had now joined them, Seraphina hanging from her arm, "Or does anyone else find it strange that we're all talking in English?"

"Yeh, that IS weird! I don't know English! But you do, right Maria?" Kanna frowned at her friend, arching a red brow.

"Eh, not this well. Why can you all speak it?"

"It's coming naturally to me, Maria-han."

"Me too… it's very str – I can't feel my arm, miss."

"My name is Seraphina."

Seraphina had light-brown hair pulled back into a long ponytail. Her blue eyes were framed with glasses, which Kohran compulsively snatched from her face and switched them out with her own. Seraphina was also a few inches taller than Kohran.

"And I'M Arachina!"

Arachina was rather small, to say the least, however she was a bit taller than Reni. Her hairstyle nearly mimicked Maria's, but was a darker shade of blonde. She had hazel-green eyes, which constantly stared into outer space when there was nothing to pay attention to.

"And I think the reason you can speak English is because of dub-overs," Seraphina added.

"Dub-overs? Whassa dub-over?" Kanna leaned down a great deal to narrow her eyes suspiciously at Seraphina.

"Well, you come from an Anime series," she replied nervously, looking over at Arachina for help.

"Right, its called Sakura Taisen here," Arachina nodded from her position of clinging to Maria's left arm.

"Anime? Sakura Wars?" Reni frowned, and Kohran switched the glasses again.

"Ummm… well, basically, you exist in an alternate reality that this world sees as fictional."

"So THAT'S why it feels as though 1927 has lasted an age!" Kohran nodded all-knowingly. "This is truly weird!"

"AHEM!" A gruff voice sounded from behind Maria, and the group whirled around. A police officer had his nightstick out, and was looking pointedly up at the blonde Russian.

"Ma'am, may I ask why you're waving that gun around?"

"I'm not waving my gun around," Maria replied, sliding it into a holster.

"Twas a figure of speech. I need to see your license to carry a weapon." The cop held out a hand, raising his brows at Maria. She panicked, emerald eyes darting, "I don't… have it with me."

"Well, what about your driver's license?"

"I don't… have a driver's license."

"Ummm occifer! Officer, I mean! Maria is my… cousin from Russia! She's not accustom to our… customs? yet." Arachina jumped between them, giving the cop a pleading look.

"Hm… well, I'll leave you with a warnin', ma'am. If I see you with that there gun again, I'll take ya downtown," the cop tipped his hat and ambled off, muttering something about immigrants.

"Great save!" Seraphina said, grabbing Kohran and Reni's hands. "We can't leave you guys here. Where'd you park, 'China?"

"Over there some where," she replied, taking Kanna's and Maria's hands and dragging them off in a random direction. Seraphina followed.

* * *

The group had successfully made it to Arachina's car, and were now crammed inside the small SUV. Maria had insisted she get passenger side. Kanna, Kohran, and Seraphina had all buckled up in the backseat. Reni had to sit awkwardly in Kanna's lap, the woman's strong arms acting as a seatbelt around her small waist.

As they drove along, Maria scrutinized every place Arachina stopped at. She observed the traffic lights, stop signs, yield signs… and what she did not understand, she asked of the two girls. Oh yes, Maria was going to drive when she got the chance. Arachina's car went much faster than the ones back in the Imperial Capital… and got more miles to the gallon! Maria and Kohran both were mystified.

"So, you have no money, obviously. No clothes… so you're going to have to stay with us. And we'll take you shopping!" Seraphina chattered on cheerfully, swaying to the faint music playing in the car.

"OKAY!" Kanna and Kohran answered together, both already having the time of their lives. Nightmare my ass!

"I WANT MARIA AND KANNA!" Arachina shrieked, looking at Seraphina in the rear view mirror.

"OKAY I WANT RENI AND KOHRAN!" She retorted, eyes wide.

The Hanagumi were rather taken aback, but were glad they had met people that knew them. And huge fans would stop at nothing to make their idols as comfortable as possible.

"Oh, turn it up, turn it up!" Seraphina biffed Arachina from the backseat with a tissue box, and the other reached over to turn the dial on the stereo.

Much to the Hanagumi's surprise, Kanna's voice greeted them in the song 'Inochi Ga Meguri Sekai Ga Tsunagaru Toki'.

"AAAAACK!" Kanna yelled, pointing to a speaker by her head, "That's ME! How did you --?"

"We told you before, Kanna! Sakura Taisen the anime series! The women that do your voices also do Kayou shows live in Japan." Seraphina nodded, smiling.

"The woman that… do our voices?" Reni asked timidly, eyes widening.

"Yeh, eh… don't worry about it. Besides, it would fry my brain to explain it."

* * *

Seraphina, Kohran, and Reni all waved goodbye to the white SUV as it drove away from Seraphina's house. Kohran whirled around to take in the suburbian neighborhood, then dashed to the front door of the house. Seraphina ran after her, and Reni followed slowly.

"MOM!" Seraphina yelled, opening the door, "We have company!"

Seraphina's mother bustled into the room, eyes narrowed, and stared in awe as Kohran and Reni appeared behind her daughter.

"Its! Its! Its!" She was speechless.

"I KNOW!" Seraphina yelled, hugging Kohran and Reni in turn. "They got sent here somehow!"

Thmp.

"Mom? Ooo… DAAAD! Mom passed out!"

"What!" Seraphina's dad and younger sister charged into the room, then froze. Seraphina had often made her family sit down and watch Sakura Taisen, so they knew all too well who the strangers were. They both just stared in awe. Seraphina blinked, then pulled Kohran and Reni back to her room.

* * *

The SUV flung into the drive way of a house several minutes away from Seraphina's, roared around a very large white pick-up truck, then into the garage. Maria had a tight grip on anything in the car she could successfully hang onto. Arachina turned down 'Yun Hua', which was blasting, and turned the car off. Kanna frowned and stopped singing along.

"I take it we're here?" she said, opening the door and sliding out. Maria stepped out as well, and Arachina fell out.

"Yes, this is my lovely dojo!"

Arachina let them in, and Kanna grinned as her eyes met a kitchen. Arachina's mom looked up from the stove and arched a brow at the two incredibly tall women. She then did a double take, focusing on Maria.

"Uuhhh… this is a weird dream."

"S'not a dream, mom, this is MARIA TACHIBANA and this is KANNA KIRISHIMA!"

Kanna waved and ran over to look at what was on the stove, "Gaah! RIIICE!"

To make sure she wasn't dreaming, Arachina's mom stuck her finger on the stove.

"OOOOOOW!"

"KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE, I'M WATCHIN' GOLF!" The four in the kitchen winced, Arachina's mom whimpering and moving to run water on her finger.

"Sorry, dad! But Maria and Kanna have to stay with us. They'll be quiet, I promise!"

"Who and who?" Arachina's dad appeared in kitchen's opposite doorway, arching a brow at the two women.

"It's those… people from that Sa-kyoo-ra Wars!"

"Sakura," Maria corrected, eyes darting.

"How are they… here? I know I'm not dreaming," he said, brow furrowing.

"I have no idea!" Arachina said proudly, beaming.

"Well…" he shrugged, then held out a hand to Maria, grinning, "Nice to have you sweetie!"

Kanna walked over and stuck out her hand as well, "Am I a sweetie too?"

"Sure!" Arachina's dad shook Kanna's hand as well, then added, "Make yourselves at home."

"Gah, dad, you're the spiff," Arachina grinned, then beckoned for Maria and Kanna to follow her. She led them through a dining room, then up a flight of stairs.

"Okay, one of you can stay in the guest bedroom, and one of you can take the bed in my room.

Maria peered into the guestroom, which looked as though it doubled as an office. However, it had a more European theme to it. She then slid across the loft and peered into Arachina's room, which had been totally redone to look Japanese. Anime and Sakura Taisen things were _everywhere_.

"Eh, I'll take guest bedroom," Maria replied, "Unless you want it Kan --"

Kanna had already sprawled out onto Arachina's floor bed, yawning widely. She looked to the left, "Hey look, it's us! Wow. We're all… cartoon lookin'."

Frowning, Maria dashed into the room to look at the wall scroll. She squinted at the drawing of herself and mimicked the position.

"That is uncomfortable…"

"Haha, look at Cactus Woman!" Kanna chuckled, then sat up, looking to the right, "Hey look, Maria. There's a You-Shrine on this table."

Arachina blushed madly and ran to stand in front of it.

"Ahahahaha! No it isn't!"

The two Hanagumi women stared.

"DINNER?" Arachina's mom called confusedly. What sounded like elephants thundering was actually Kanna running across the loft and down the stairs, ending with a slide into the kitchen. Maria and Arachina followed, smirking.

When they reached the kitchen, Kanna already had a heaping plate of food and was moving into the den. There she flopped into the floor and began watching the large screen television.

"What's this?" she asked of Arachina's dad between mouthfuls.

"Tremors Two!" he replied jovially, sipping his perpetual tea glass.

"YAY!" Kanna shrugged and watched on. Arachina dashed into the room with her own plate, plopping down next to Kanna.

"I love this movie!"

Maria blinked as she was handed a plate, and sat down at the counter. She tilted her head at Arachina's mom.

"What is the movie about?"

"Giant worms that eat people," she replied, sitting down next to Maria.

"Oh… that's…"

"Stupid? Yeh."

Maria chuckled and got along rather nicely with Arachina's mother, both ignoring the cries from the other room as Earl Basset nearly got himself eaten by a graboid-spawn. After everyone had finished eating, Maria helped clean the kitchen up.

"Arachina, I'm replacing you with Maria, okay? You can go be someone else's kid."

Arachina exchanged a puzzled look with Kanna, then replied, "OKAY!" and went back to eating.


	3. Chapter 3: Hell Hound

Running up the stairs, Seraphina gestured for Reni and Kohran to follow. At the top of the landing they took a direct right turn into a very small waiting room with a door on each wall.

"I assume the door to your room is the one with the poster of us on it."

Seraphina opened the door, answering Kohran's question.

"Welcome to my sanctuary, please watch your step I like an unorganized lifestyle.

Reni wandered over to the other side of the room.

"Why is there a scooter in your room?"

"Who doesn't have a scooter in their room, I mean honestly."

Reni gave Seraphina a look of 'Please just answer my question'.

"Fine if you want to know I'm drawing it for an art project…"

Reni and Kohran continued to explore the room as Seraphina kept going on about how much she hates graphite and why does it have to be a 16 x 20 project.

"What's all this?" Kohran pointed to Seraphina's desk as she started getting closer to her computer.

Snapping out of her ramblings, Seraphina joined Kohran and Reni at her computer.

"Isn't it marvelous! That's my connection to heaven!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well Renimedear, I find info about you and the Hanagumi."

"You find things about us in this thin black thing? That's amazing!"

"Kohran if you want me to explain it, I can't." Seraphina smiled, "Now how shall the sleeping arrangements be?"

Seraphina began to pace back and forth, making strange facial expressions while doing so. After reaching a conclusion, she scared Reni by promptly falling on the ground at the two Hanagumi member's feet.

"One of you can sleep on the day bed, and the other can sleep in either my bed or the inflatable mattress I shall be stealing from my sister."

Reni looked around the room "There's another bed in here? Where is it?"

Getting up, Seraphina ran over to a metal frame covered in more artwork. Picking up all the papers she threw them across the room into a rocking chair, ignoring the protests from her art teacher yelling in her brain.

"Nice shot!" Kohran said patting her on the back

Running next door to her sibling's room, Seraphina left Reni and Kohran to fend for themselves while she looked for the inflatable bed.

"Hey Reni-han come over here!"

Walking over to the bookshelf, Reni saw that it was covered in Manga and Anime, not only that their seemed to be quite the collection of Hanagumi related items. But right now Kohran had a book open titled "Sakura Wars Illustrations Origin and Tribute".

"Look at all these drawing of us! We must be really popular, right Reni-han?"

"It seems so…" Reni started to look at the different titles on the shelves.

Kohran then turned to page 70 of the book. Eyes bulging, she started to choke.

"Kohran? KOHRAN? Are you ok?"

Unstoppable laughter greeted Reni's ears.

"What's so funny Kohran? Come on tell me!"

Still laughing, all the inventor could do was point to the book. Looking over Kohran's shoulder, Reni saw what caused all of the other's ailments. She fell to her knees.

"OH MY GOD! WHAT DID THEY DO TO ME?"

"Reni-han, I must make a copy of this and show everyone when we get back!" Savoring the Wunderkinds face Kohran continued, "You just look so beautiful and _mature._"

Just at that moment, Seraphina came back, lugging the limp thing that supposedly was going to make a mattress.

"Oh Kohran, I see you found the book with Reni coming out of the pool."

Kohran grinned while Reni stayed on the ground, dazed.

"You know there are actually two pictures of Reni in her bathing suit in that book…"

"Please Kohran… just put it away."

And with that, the book was placed back on the shelf.

"OKAY!" Seraphina screamed, "Time for dinner…who wants my specialty?"

Kohran and Reni just looked at Seraphina like she was an idiot, which essentially she was.

After dragging Reni and Kohran downstairs to the kitchen, Seraphina began banging around for pots and pans. Her parents and sister apparently left to have dinner out, so Seraphina was alone with her "captives".

"You guys are so lucky that I feel like cooking tonight! Usually I just 'nuke' some frozen pizza."

"What are you making?"

"Well Reni, I'm making Annie's Mac n' Cheese…It's the best stuff you'll ever eat!" Seraphina looked over her shoulder and smiled. "If you don't want to watch me prepare this for a half hour you can go upstairs to the 'loft' and watch TV."

Even though they had no idea where they were going, Reni and Kohran quickly left the kitchen just as Seraphina was putting out a fire.

"I hope we somehow get home, I have no idea how much longer I can stay with these loonies."

Reni started to climb the stairs, a few steps behind her was Kohran.

"I happen to be enjoying my stay here Reni-han, you should loosen up too."

"Yeah well…" Reni was abruptly cut short as three greyhounds jumped on top of her and knocked her down onto a dog bed.

Hearing a thump from the loft, Seraphina chuckled to herself. "RENI, THE RED ONE WITH THE BLACK SNOUT IS 'GRACIE', THE BLOND ONE IS 'IRENE', AND THE BLACK ONE IS 'GUY'. NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH GOD!"

After turning on the TV, Kohran quickly discovered the television program 'Mythbusters', and was enjoying watching Adam and Jamie blow things up. During the commercials, she couldn't help smiling when she looked at Reni playing with the three hounds. The dogs fell in love with her instantly and were all curled up around her.

"Look! If it isn't 'Diana' and 'Couch Potato'! I brought you dinner," Seraphina said as she reached the top of the stairs.

Handing a bowl to Kohran and Reni, Seraphina plopped down onto the other couch and began to watch 'Mythbusters'.

"Be careful Reni, my dogs have likin' for Annie's pasta."

"Thanks for the warning," Reni said, moving the bowl away from Gracie, whose snout was in the bowl.

So the three bonded by watching television well into 1 am. Eventually they dragged themselves back into Seraphina's room for the night. Wearing loaned Pjs, Reni and Kohran were exhausted and were about to go into La La land when Seraphina told them what was to be on the agenda tomorrow.

"Guys tomorrow we're going to hook back up with Arachina, Maria, and Kanna to go shopping!"

Not really registering anything, Reni and Kohran smiled and mumbled 'Yes'. Then all three drifted off to sleep.

* * *

HOWDY HO! This is Greyhound Master bringing you chapta 3! 

If you would like to see the image in the book that made Kohran choke and Reni very uncomfortable please copy n' paste this...make sure to put **http/ **at the beginning and **.jpg** at the end, also get rid of the spaces (inbetween the periods)... 'Fanfiction' isn't very kind when it comes to putting links in

members . fortunecity . com/bloodykinght1/tokyowallpaper/reniwallt2

hope you enjoyed


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